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On this show……we are preparing for a new year AND a new you? No no, why does everyone feel this push to reinvent themselves at the beginning of every new year? Push, maybe I should say peer pressure. It’s like you come sliding in under the wire at the end of a year with all sorts of promises to better yourself if you could just start over with a new year. How can you get in touch with your authentic self if you are always feeling less than adequate in fact so sub-par that you actually are looking for ways to become a whole new person. What a roller coaster of shame, regret, and false promises. I say NO – don’t start over, instead, commit to exploring what makes you, YOU, nurturing what needs attention, and then sharing your gifts with others.
What are your typical NYE resolution go-to’s? And most importantly, what is the motivation? Guilt? Peer pressure? Dissatisfaction?
Never set a goal without a strong personal reason. Well, I should never set a goal in which you plan on being successful, without a strong personal reason. You won’t follow through if it’s to please anyone else, because you feel pressure to do so, or you are just following a crowd.
- You MUST pick a small action. “Get more exercise” is not small. “Eat healthier” is not small.
- You MUST attach the new action to a previous habit.
- You MUST make the new action EASY to do for at least the first week.
If you take these three steps and you practice them 3 to 7 days in a row your new habit will be established.
The best (and some would say the only) way to get a large and long-term behavior change, is by changing your self-story.
Everyone has stories about themselves that drive their behavior. You have an idea of who you are and what’s important to you. Essentially you have a “story” operating about yourself at all times. These self-stories have a powerful influence on decisions and actions.
In his book, Redirect, Timothy Wilson describes a large body of impressive research of how stories can change behavior long-term. One technique he has researched is “story-editing”
I think before you add something new to the mix, you have to first figure out what you are dealing with and to do that, might require some exploration. Finding the authentic you is about peeling back the layers you’ve created to please the world around you and the people in it.
- LEARN TO MEET YOUR OWN PHYSICAL NEEDS
- GIVE YOURSELF SPACE
- OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE POSSIBILITIES
- TRY ON DIFFERENT SELVES
- KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE ARRIVED
Self-discovery is the fun part but so many people are scared away from delving in and getting to know themselves for fears of facing their past. Would it help to know that your past can not be undone? Facing your past doesn’t mean reliving it. It means acknowledging it, claiming your responsibility, forgiving yourself and others, and then allowing yourself to move on.
But how in the world can you find time to do it all. The answer is, you can’t. Just like we discussed in the beginning, start with a small action and build from there. Be honest and kind to yourself.
Rachael Wolff from fromalovingplace.com wrote herself a letter as a mantra for better self-care. Why not make a commitment to yourself.
Today, I will make a commitment to take 30 minutes or more a day for me. In that time, I will not have my phone on and will do everything in my power not to be distracted by the outside world. I will use this time to show myself love, respect, care, and loyalty. I will do this because it is exactly what I deserve. I will not be too busy and ignore my own personal needs. I know that by being there for myself I will be able to show up more for all the people in my life. I will have a clearer vision of who should and shouldn’t stay in my life. ….. (the whole letter is so inspiring!)
Don’t you wish it were that easy, to say it, claim it, and then follow our own advice. Who knows you better than you? If that answer isn’t YOU, then take that as a cue you need to stay on your quest for self-discovery. While you are out there, keep your eyes open for trust, the ability to trust yourself.
Sarah Williams shares her story of sharing in an article she wrote for addicted2success.com: Sharing is Caring: 6 Scientifically Proven Ways Helping Others Can Improve Your Life
“I’ve come to believe that the simple formula for happiness and success in life lies in caring about others, helping them in any way we can, and sharing what we have….”
- Helping others is good for your health
- It helps us handle stress better
- We form a deeper connection with ourselves thanks to sharing
- Doing good for others improves our social life
- Increased happiness levels
- Give more for better relationships
Share, learn, and grow. If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau in your development, your journey has become stale feeling more like a drudge….reach out and learn from others. Share your own story to build stronger connections. Whether you are sharing or learning, you are always growing.
CHALLENGE: make this a year of self-discovery to be reacquainted with your authentic self. Explore, nurture, and share your gifts with others to unlock additional opportunities. You are important and deserve added focus, time, and attention.
I Know YOU Can Do It!